For a few minutes after the sudden departure of the Tyrex, a heavy silence reigned in the living room. Charles was inwardly cursing me, I was inwardly cursing Charles, and Jimmy was inwardly taking note of all the new and improbable curse words he had just heard.
How I went from vexed and fatally wounded to sheepish, I don’t know, but it seems that Charles underwent the same process, because at the end of those few minutes, we fell in each other arms while simultaneously apologizing.
“I’m sorry I ruined your plan!
-I’m sorry I shouted at you!”
I sobbed loudly, Charles beat himself up and flapped his wings, and Jimmy, not being sure of what was happening, started crying just so he wouldn’t be behind in case it was needed.
When it was all out, we settled down, I took a chocolate cake out of my bag, Charles made some tea, and Jimmy dried his tears. Everything was quiet and comfortable for a while, then Charles said:
“I hope the Tyrex won’t eat anybody…
-I don’t think he will, I said reassuringly. He rarely eats people, you know. But I’m sure he won’t fail the… League of Brave Helping Adventurers with Sandwiches, like I did.
-That’s a stupid name, commented Jimmy.
-I’m in no way responsible for it, added Charles. Let’s play a game. Do children play games?”
I did confirm it, and we happily played Uno until 5, when Muffin came in.
“Hello everybody! Charles, why did you leave me a creepy message in a weird voice?
-No reason, grumbled Charles.
-Hi Jimmy dear, did you have a good time?
-Yes Mummy! Do you know what a half-baked moronic dumbass is?”
Muffin shot me a burning accusing glance that I felt pretty keenly, as unfair as it was, but didn’t say anything. She looked sad and tired, it broke my heart to see her like that. When she saw the chocolate cake, it was as if it hurt her physically to look at it, and yet she couldn’t keep her eyes off of it.
“Where’s the Tyrex? I thought he was with you.”
Charles and I exchanged a peevish look.
“He should be back soon, Charles said. He went out for a few minutes.
-I hope he’s not smoking again!”
We said we thought not, and offered her some of the cake. She trembled.
“Maybe just a tiny slice, while I’m waiting!”
Charles went to the kitchen to make some more tea, and I followed him.
“Don’t you think the Tyrex is gone an awfully long time? I whispered. I mean, how long do you think it would take him to roar and threaten people?
-I know, said Charles, I’m worried… But maybe he didn’t find the Gym? I mean, he left precipitately, and I don’t think he knows where it is!”
That reassured me a lot, because the Tyrex usually has the sense of direction of a drunk sock in a drier.
Thus we all waited and waited. After a while, we even talked of ordering sushis, and we were about to call when the front door dramatically opened and the Tyrex bursted in.
I say “bursted in”, but it was not in an energetic way, more like toothpaste slowly squelching out of a tube. And I say the Tyrex, because I know it was him, but he was barely recognizable. He looked like a green blobby lump, his big head bent down, his tongue out.
“By Odin’s beard, exclaimed Charles. What happened to you?”
It was not the last of our surprise, though, because at that point, the Tyrex bursted into tears. This time, in a very energetic way.
“They… they laughed at me! blubbered the Tyrex. They… they said I have tiny arms!
-Well, you do have tiny arms, commented Jimmy.”
The Tyrex let out a screeching howl which was half physical, half mental agony, so we hurriedly shushed Jimmy, installed the Tyrex in the pink divan, and asked him if he wanted chocolate cake. When he refused, we looked at each other, aghast.
He wailed and wailed and wailed… I’m quite sure the neighbours thought it was a natural disaster siren and a tornado was on its way, while we were right inside the aforesaid tornado, with no hope of the wind ever abating.
After what appeared to us an eternity, the screams stopped in a serie of distressing yips, and the Tyrex was able to tell his story, bit by bit, with many watery interruptions and wimperings about tiny arms. From what we understood once we compiled everything into chronological order, this is what happened:
The Tyrex left the raven’s place at a swift pace, pumped up and practicing his roars on pigeons in the street. At first, he just went on at random, but realizing he didn’t know where he was going, he slowed down and considered. While considering, he noticed he was hungry, so he stopped at a bakery to keep his blood sugar up. And hello, as he stepped out with his arms full, what did he bump into? The Big Bad Gym board, the exact one who stopped Muffin in the street. Not thinking twice – indeed it is safe to say that in his life, it never occurred to the Tyrex to think twice – he jumped into the Gym, the mouth full of a very sticky Danish pastry, and roared. It would have been mightily impressive, hadn’t the Danish pastry somewhat muffled the sound and considerably weaken the ferocious appearance of the Tyrex.
As it was, people laughed at him, and the wolf said something along the line that he was fat enough, he should spit that out and work out more.
Not that he was exactly wrong about that, mind you – but there are ways to say things, you know.
Anyway, the Tyrex was startled and vexed – poor thing, he is very sensitive, and highly susceptible – and instead of baring his teeth and threatening the puny wolf, he resentfully said that he was absolutely not fat, certainly stronger than the wolf, and in a great shape.
They laughed again – this time, putting him on the verge of tears I’m sure, poor schnookums – and the wolf challenged him to prove it to them.
“Oh yes, said the Tyrex, I’ll prove it to you!
-Very well, said the wolf, do 10 push-ups!”
This is when things really went downhill for the Tyrex – sweet darling lamb – because you know, he can’t do push-ups. His head is in the way. He tried anyway, as a dear little sugar plum he is, but failed miserably.
“Thirty second plank!” yelled the wolf.
That one, he did directly on his nose, and it appeared to have hurt him considerably. By this time, everybody in the gym was staring and laughing viciously, heckling him with “where are your arms?” and “look at this green flabby dude!”
“Lift those weights over your head!!”
As you can see, the wolf was just being mean and silly.
“10 burpees!”
Not knowing what it was, and shaken by the unusual moving-about he was doing, the Tyrex just burped.
“You’re a disgusting fattie with tiny arms”, said the terrible wolf, and he threw him out.