Dear Reader,
As you know, I visited Scotland a few years ago, and I’ve been struggling to write about it ever since.
Nobody, I said to myself, wants to read a long panegyric where I keep lyrically saying over and over how beautiful it was, how nice the people were, and how well everything was going. And yet, what else could I write?
There is no story without struggle, some say. So I kept thinking, and thinking again… What was the struggle during those three weeks in paradise?
After a good deal of reflection, I came to the conclusion that there were two things I could complain about: the weather, and the applesauce.
Therefore, today, I will denounce the biggest issue I had with my Scottish vacation: the notable absence of apple compote in grocery stores.
Why such an interest in fruit puree, you ask? Because it’s mostly fruit, without fruit’s inherent squishiness that makes it so complicated to carry around! Also, it’s usually in convenient single serving packages, and keeps without a fridge. The White Owl absolutely cannot live without compote, even in a regular setting.
In Scotland’s defense, I want to say that the only grocery stores I went to were in small, picturesque villages. I should have tried a big one in Edinburgh, but I was too busy visiting the magnificent and very impressive castle and buying bottles of whisky in beautiful shops to actually search for what matters most, and I apologize for it.
I do not want to unjustly demonize a whole country by such rash words, but the truth is that, in each of the 2, maybe 3 grocery stores I visited, there was NO FRUIT PUREE. Nothing!!!
I would ask, of course, to a slightly perturbed employee, explaining in detail what “apple compote” was, and he would take me to the fruit in conserves shelf, and when I’d exclaim, with wide arm gestures shaking with despair: “Yes, fruit, but no COMPOTE!!!”, he would silently sidle away.
So there you go. Is the Scottish countryside charming and pleasant? Yes!
Are Scottish mountains scenic and heart-stoppingly gorgeous? Also yes!
But be warned, dear reader, for there is no applesauce.
Not only that, but once, I was almost forced to steal a tomato!!! I had already stolen a plastic fork and felt unequal to the task, so I had to call yet another grocery store employee, explaining to him in a suddenly broken English (my English breaks down easily in stressful situations) that my tomato was too small and that the machine wouldn’t let me pay for it.
What kind of country, I ask, would oblige you to become a dangerous produce-stealing felon??
Certainly not, you would think, one with such an abundance of castles and stone circles, enhancing its rich culture and History!
Next week, I will complain dreadfully about the weather being too hot and too sunny.
I also apologize to all the grocery store employees of Scotland. Thank you for your great work, and I hope you don’t get too many Rambling Blue Owls around…