Alternative Banff Highline

I vividly remember that moment, where, in Yamnuska’s headquarter, Alison told us: “It’s going to be rather cold,  up there. Snow, and -10.”

My blue gear was scattered on the ground as I looked confidently at it.

“Are you sure you’ll be ok?” asked Alison, looking doubtfully at my small layers and my very light puffy jacket. Of course I was sure. I didn’t scoff, but it was only because I was in awe of Alison, I had just met the group and was in awe of the group, it was my first time in Yamnuska and I was in awe with Yamnuska.

Yamnuska is the company with which I go trekking in Alberta. That moment was during the introduction meeting before my first trek with them in September 2017, the one I’ll call Alternative Banff Highline (Banff was closed for forest fires reasons). Alison, the guide, was the most badass person I’ve ever met (sorry, y’all), and the group was the most badass of all groups. Alison had stories of grizzly bears and avalanches, and the group was composed of seasoned hikers, used to backpacking and bears, all in better shape than me, all with stories of awesome adventures and treks in wonderful places.

I remember that moment vividly, as I said, because, retrospectively, I realize the incredible stupidity of my hubris. Because, dear Reader, turned out I was very much not ok! Not during the day, mind you – days are easy, when you move around and just have to adjust your layering – but at night… At night, I would stay awake, alone in my tent, and would dreamily imagine flames, ovens, tropical beaches, the fiery pit of Hell, my winter down coat cosy at home in my closet, Hell again, and finally, my bedroom during a heatwave. Sometimes, I would sprint in my sleeping bag, and fall asleep for five minutes while the subsequent warmth lasted, then wake up again. Sometimes I would ponder the tremendous dilemma: do I sleep on the side, in a ball, to keep warm, but with a blocked nose, or do I sleep on the back, colder, but able to breathe? Sometimes, I would even wear my rain gear in my sleeping bag, just because it was another layer, and after all why not?

*whistles* hey you, down there, you look like the kind of person stupid enough to wear your rain gear in your sleeping bag!

After the first night, Alison made me a hot water bottle every evening, so I could sleep, holding it tightly as the life-giving miracle it was. Then I would wake up when it got cold, in the middle of the night, and my misery would start.

This had a few consequences. First, I had very vivid dreams (one night, I had a date with a rock star who turned out to be an old lady!). Also, after a few days, I started to spontaneously fall asleep in various places. Whether we stopped on soft mountain moss, in flowery meadows, or on pointy rocks, I would lie down and doze (especially during the last days, because they were sunny!). I fell asleep in the van back to Canmore. I fell asleep in the bathtub in my hotel. You could have put me on a roller coaster in a metal rock concert, and I would have fallen asleep all the same.

I learned a lot of lessons that week, dear Reader. And it is my pleasure to share them with you today. I hope my stupid hubris will at least be of some use to you!

Day 1 – 19.7km

Easy day, mostly in the forest.

Lesson: How to use a bear spray, and how to walk in Grizzly territory. (I will write a full article on Grizzly bears later!)

Day 2 – 15km

Small detour to see Mystic Lake…

Mystic Pass.

After we set up the camp, some of us go to see the Ink Pots.

They are… round thingies in water??

Lesson: It is easier to walk without a backpack than it is to walk with a heavy one. I should put this on a t-shirt.

From my notes, while holding the first hot water bottle of the week: “All the grizzlies in the world can come to my tent, I don’t care”

Day 3 – 10km

Several lessons that day…

Lesson 1: Snow is colder when melting and falling on you from above in big quantities than it has any right to be.

Lesson 2: A simple Hyvent rain jacket won’t protect you from a day of slushy rain. You’ll get drenched through and through. Your fleece will get so soaked that you’ll have to wring it multiple times at the end of the day. For me, that was the moment where I decided to invest in a Gore-tex jacket, and I never regretted it.

Lesson 3: At the exact moment where all hope is lost and despair prevails, the snow/rain will stop and the sun will shine. In our case, the beautiful Llewellyn Lake welcomed us at the campground…

Lesson 4: the degree of wetness of clothes matters. If you have a wet layer or wet socks, you usually can sleep in them and the heat from your body will dry them. But – and that, I didn’t fully realize until this fateful night – there is a certain stage of wetness at which it doesn’t work and produce the inverse effect. By which I mean, the wet garment stays wet, and you get awfully cold and spectacularly miserable.

Extract from my notes: “I don’t know if I’ll survive tomorrow, blblblblbl.”

Day 4 – 16km

Some part with no trail. When we lose the trail, Alison drops her backpack, takes her bear spray, disappears in the bushes, and reappears somewhere else, quietly saying: “This way!”. (she’s awesome, I know).

Lesson 1: Bushes have no respect for smaller owl-like creatures and will slap them in the face. Repeatedly.

If you know the name of this awesome plant, please tell me! Even though in my heart they’ll always be the “crazy bearded hippie“

Gorgeous Pulsatila Pass:

Lesson 2: If your backpack hurts dreadfully, ask Tracy, she will do miracles with your straps.

Extract from my notes: “A lot of going up, and a lot of going down.”

Day 5 – 13.5km

Magnificent Deception Pass

And Skoki – what, some civilization! Even some people here and there!

Skoki lodge, where we wished a happy birthday to Alan!

Lesson: Food drops mean more weight, but also nice surprises: like Yamnuska sending us supplementary gloves, fuel (for my hot water bottle, bless them!), and soup for lunch!

Day 6 – 12.5km

Lesson 1: Your tent may become too solid to pack when frozen.

Lesson 2: Cold makes you do jumping jacks spontaneously.

Day 7 – 20.5km

Molar Pass, so beautiful.

Lesson 1: It’s one moose, two moose. It should be meese.

Lesson 2: Cleaning your face for a week with off-brand frozen wipes may transform your skin into raw beef steak, making you look like Deadpool, the Owl version. (That one is horrifying.)

Lesson 3: After one week of sleeping badly because of the cold, you will still sleep badly in your hotel room because… you’re too warm……..

Thank you, Alison, for everything… (especially the hot water bottles!) Thank you, Melissa, Alan, Darrick, Tracy, Steven, Karen and David, for making this week one of the best in Owl memory! And many thanks to Yamnuska!!