A week passed. No news of Muffin. I sent her a few tentative texts asking if she wanted to join me at another Essentrics or TRX class, and she answered with less and less convincing excuses. By Thursday, she was telling me she couldn’t because she had an appointment to the hairdresser – and yes, it was her excuse yesterday, but yesterday her hairdresser couldn’t because the salon burned down, and also, Jimmy is not feeling well so she ought to stay with him, and she just put a quiche in the oven and couldn’t possibly go out tonight.
“Oh no!! did I exclaim. Do you want me to keep an eye on Jimmy and the quiche while you go to your appointment?”
She told me there was no need, the appointment was cancelled again, the place hadn’t finished burning, there was water everywhere, the firemen had destroyed everything with their axes and she didn’t want her fur to smell like fire and frizz all over.
Well, dear reader, I’m not saying she deliberately lied to me of course, Muffin wouldn’t do such a thing to a friend when she could just say that she didn’t feel like going, you know, but it seemed fishy. Mostly because we have the same hairdresser and I was getting my feathers trimmed while she was texting me.
Has she already given up on exercise? I wondered sighing deeply. That was rather short, even for Muffin. I decided the best way not to embarrass her or make her feel bad about it was not to speak of it, so when I met her at work the next day, I cheerfully greeted her.
“Hiya Muffin! How are you?”
She was startled and squeaked noisily. I should explain that I was approaching her from behind while she was busily frowning at the copier.
“For God’s sake, Blue! You scared me to death!
-Sorry, I…
-And I know I’ve been a bad friend and lied to you and tried to avoid you and even ducked behind a door yesterday not to talk to you!
-…Oh??…
-And it was a glass door, and very stupid of me of course, and I know you are going to say that it doesn’t matter and I could just have told you I didn’t want to go to the stupid exercise class…
-…behind a glass door?…
-But you cannot imagine how UNHAPPY I am, and how HORRIBLE I feel about everything!!!”
Her eyes grew enormously big and started to shine in a worrying way. I moved her as gently as I could out of the much frequented way, and got to a relatively secluded corner just in time for the breaking of the dam and the ensuing flood.
“I…. I’ve put on weight!! sobbed Muffin, with tears flowing everywhere. Since I started to do your ghastly exercise things, I’ve put on weight! And my body hurts all the time! And I’m so hungry, and… and…”
I was desperately rummaging through my pockets with haste to find something to staunch the flood.
“I can’t do it! she went on. I will go on being fatter and fatter and ugly and…
-You will never be ugly Muffin, you are a beautiful hamster you know that, I managed to say before she started wailing again. I looked doubtfully at the 10$ bill and the very old kleenex that looked like it had been through 2 or 3 washing machine cycles that I had found in my pockets and said:
“Come on Muffin, I’ll buy you a coffee and we’ll talk about it…”
She hesitated and asked, between two sobs:
“With whipped cream? And vanilla syrup?
-Any coffee you want, Muffin.”
I will spare you the details. Muffin, while on a roll, can talk for an amazing length of time without even breathing. Poor thing, she was upset. She felt it strongly. She told me she was a failure, and a monster, and she could never do it. I tried to comfort her, which is difficult to do when the only thing you can get in the conversation are non-committal grunts, and I don’t think it really helped her. Still, she needed a willing ear, and that I could be. So, I was.
When she was finally quieter and got back to her work duties, I stayed in the cafeteria, frowning and thinking, for a long time. How could I possibly help Muffin?
“Yo, said a familiar high-pitched voice. Why are you frowning like that? You look like I did that time where I had a hot pepper and I thought it was a tomato and I burnt my eyes with my salad!
-Hi Maurice! Sorry, I was just worried about Muffin.
-Yep, she looks dooooowwn… Anyway, I won’t be able to make it tonight, I have a pain in my stomach, like figurative butterflies, but litteral, you know? Horrible. You’ll tell the guys? By-bye!”
Tonight! I had completely forgotten that I was having drinks with Charles and Tyrex tonight! Charles would know what to do! Charles is smart! He’ll think of a way of helping Muffin!
Excellent!