I have a very dear friend who is a Paradise Bird. She sings, she flutters around and does millions of things with other birds and all sorts of creatures really. She organizes Singles parties.
Now dear reader, you don’t know me very well, but I am a very single Owl. I am so single that cats come and live with me even though I don’t have cats. I am so single that I always am the 13th at a dinner, the 3rd at a brunch, the 21st at a party. I am so single that once, at a party where I was the 13th, the cat of the house came to me and slept on my knees.
“Owl, said the magnificent Bird one day while we were having tea. Owl, you should come to one of my singles party.
-Wait, I asked, is it a party to celebrate the fact that we are single ?
-No, silly Owl, smiled the beautiful Bird. It is a party to meet other single people, and maybe meet someone !”
I winced.
I am not good at parties.
“I know, said the Bird. But it would be good for you, you know.
-Please, said the Tyrex. Please Owl, I don’t want to go there by myself… You know last time I mistook someone for an appetizer and ate him, and I talked for hours to a potted ficus…”
I reassured the Tyrex.
“You were just nervous. Your eyes are bad when you are nervous, and anyway, you told me the ficus was nice…
-Please Owl… said the Tyrex
-You really should, said the Bird.”
So I did go to a Singles party.
First, I had to lay down a few rules for myself.
- Do not hide under the table or behind any piece of furniture.
- Do not pretend you are a waitress.
- Do not imagine you are a spy, a James Bond girl, or anything which involves a heavy Russian accent.
- You can imagine that you are an extra-terrestrial being visiting Earth and observing the customs of Humans, just don’t say it.
- Do not bite people if they talk to you.
- It is NOT socially acceptable to growl.
Chosing what to wear is always the most difficult….
Then, before going, I did breathing exercises and some time stress management…
Time is just a dimension, I told myself. You are both at home now, and back from the party. Time is just a dimension. If you concentrate very hard…
I tried to tell the Tyrex that I was already both here and there, but he just grabbed me and carried me to the party. So, I went.
It looked very nice ! The place was nice, food was great, there was sangria (SANGRIA !!!) and wine, and gifts (I got movie tickets!) and the people were having a good time and they all seemed very nice. I mostly hid behind my Tyrex. There was also a conference where a nice lady told us very interesting things about dates and relationships, but I wasn’t the target audience, because this kind of thing never happens to me.
Some people talked to me. I think I behaved really well. I smiled, remembered to blink once in a while, and never turned my head at more than 180°. I didn’t tell anybody I was an Alien observing humans. Not even once.
You’re talking to me ? To me, are you talking ?
I did something horrible to a slice of prosciutto, but you know how prosciutto is: you bite in it, and the whole thing comes, and dangles out of your mouth, and you have to eat all of it…
Tyrex behaved very well too, and didn’t eat anybody.
Prosciutto: the real enemy…
It looked like a very nice evening for normal people. Now, it’s not for Owls. Especially not for a Rambling Blue one. Still, I’m very happy to have done it. Thank you Beautiful Bird !