So, you just found a tiny baby Xenomorph, and are googling some information. Welcome to my well-informed How-to-take-care-of-a-baby-Xenomorph quick guide!
First, I must seriously advise you to leave the creature as much as possible in its natural habitat, with its mom, but I quite understand that it is sometimes difficult. For example:
Did it burst out of the chest of a friend of yours?
Or, is it growing in your chest?
In either case, I’m sorry. But before you start criticizing the poor creature, think about it: isn’t it your fault?
Come on, admit it. I know you think you’re a smart scientist or colonist or I don’t know what, but isn’t it totally your fault? Didn’t you ignore years of training, and any basic common sense? Didn’t you do something stupid like, I don’t know, removing your helmet on an unknown planet, or touching/poking/licking something weird on this same planet, before doing any scan or check?
Then, it is your fault. Don’t take it out on the poor baby because you’re scared and all your friends are dying horrific deaths.
Also, you should really consider turning your Android off for a while (and no, I don’t mean your phone!!).
Anyway, here are some tips to help you during your wonderful adventure of love and care for this amazing creature!
Chest-bursting
Chest-bursting is an important part of the natural development of your Alien. Still, as it is not comfortable for the host, it is very important that your newfound baby Xenon (you named him Xenon, didn’t you? I did!) learns from which chest it is polite to burst, and from which it is not.
Now keep in mind that it is a baby, and mishaps can happen while learning!
Well done Xenon! Far better than last time with the postman!
Walkies
A Xenomorph needs lots of exercise and games. Oh yes, the delicate creature loves staying quiet in a ventilation shaft, then delightfully surprise you by playfully jumping on your head.
Be careful to clean up any puddle of blood! Grumpy people could slip in it, sometimes repeatedly, and then complain of your darling Xenon.
Going for a walk with your Xenomorph is an excellent way of bonding with it!
Now it is important that you go walkies with it enough. Whatever the Xenomorphs poop is highly toxic, has an awful lingering smell, and will certainly do terrible things to kitty litter, porcelain toilets, space plumbing, metal carpet… Any kind of carpet really.
Don’t get mad if little Xenon has an accident, remember, he’s just a baby!! You’ll need more than rubber gloves to clean it up, though.
Drooling
On a similar subject: baby Xenon, when healthy, is somewhat slimy, and drools a lot. It is perfectly normal for a Xenomorph, but then again, accidents can be difficult to clean up.
I think really, you should give up any attempt of decorating or having any expensive furniture while baby is there…
Use the occasion to check your spaceship lights. Or to get rid of an annoying coworker/neighbour.
Diet
About baby Xenon diet: it is much simpler than a cat’s! It can even be a cat if you have one!
Basically, Xenomorphs will eat anything. You can even give it your own food, it won’t get sick !
Use fresh meat as a treat.
Keep lots of fresh meat available.
Don’t forget that your baby Xenomorph needs other things for its shell: some minerals, metals etc. It’s a great way to get rid of your old computers, TV, or anything you put in those storage cupboards.
Also, baby Xenon is amazing at pest control.
And yes, I’m sorry for your cat, but then again, it’s totally your fault.
This cat survived, so it means yours was stupid. Yes, it’s also the fault of your cat.
Love and affection
As any baby, Xenon needs lots of love and care.
Baby can be very affectionate. Careful when it wants to lick your face or kiss you! It doesn’t know it is toxic. It doesn’t know its tiny claws and teeth can hurt you. You know baby Xenon loves you, and just wants to play…
Just a kiss
Mama, let me hug you
Enjoy it while it lasts, they grow up so fast! Soon Xenon will be 7-8 feet tall and you will regret the happy easy time when it was just a baby…
Come back soon for my How-to-take-care-of-a-teenage-Xenomorph guide!